Enlarging The Breast « Result #1 on Mar 13, 2009, 10:46pm »
A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks. One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror, now complaining that her breasts are too small.
The husband comes up with a suggestion. “If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper, and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds.”
Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. “How long will this take?” she asks.
“They’ll grow larger over a period of years,” he replies.
The wife stops. “Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the years?”
The husband shrugs. “Why not, it worked for your ass, didn't it?”
Violin Lessons « Result #2 on Mar 13, 2009, 10:45pm »
"Daddy, can I learn to play the violin?" young Sarah asked her father. She was always asking for things and her father was not very pleased.
"You cost me a lot of money, Sarah," he said. "First you wanted to learn horse riding, then dancing, then swimming. Now it's the violin.
"I'll play every day ,Daddy." Sarah said. "I'll try very hard.
"All right," her father said. "This is what I'll do. I'll pay for you to have lessons for six weeks. At the end of six weeks you must play something for me. If you play well, you can have more lessons. If you play badly, I will stop the lessons."
"0. K. Daddy," Sarah said. "That is fair.
He soon found a good violin teacher and Sarah began her lessons. The teacher was very expensive, but her father kept his promise.
The six weeks passed quickly. The time came for Sarah to play for her father.
She went to the living room and said, "I'm ready to play for you, Daddy.
"Fine, Sarah," her father said. "Begin.
She began to play. She played very badly. She made a terrible noise.
Her father had one of his friends with him, and the friend put his hands over his ears.
When Sarah finished, her father said, "Well done, Sarah. You can have more lessons."
Sarah ran happily out of the room. Her father's friend turned to him. "You've spent a lot of money, but she still plays very badly. he said.
"Well, that's true," her father said. "But since she started learning the violin I've been able to buy five apartments in this build very cheaply. In another six weeks I'll own the whole building!"
Class Reunion « Result #3 on Feb 26, 2009, 2:38am »
I was minding my own business a few weeks ago when I got “the call” -- that dreaded, shrill ringing of my telephone bearing news just short of a death in the family. It was a former high school classmate asking I disagreeistance in our 20-year class reunion.
Could it be 20 years already? I shuddered. Cold chills went up and down my spine as tiny beads of sweat popped out on my forehead. What had I done with my life the past 20 years? My mother told me I’d have to deal with this some day,wow power leveling but I had laughed it off, just like I laughed off those embarrassing pink plastic curlers she used to wear in her hair. (I picked up a set at a garage sale just last week. Got a great deal on them, too!)
It’s amazing how a brief phone call can totally turn one’s life upside down. Suddenly, I began hearing those 1970s songs (now known as “oldies”) in a different arrangement, realizing that Mick Jagger was over 50, “Smoke on the Water” never did make any sense at all, and my “Seasons in the Sun” had literally faded into oblivion. Had the sun set on me already?
I glanced in the mirror.wow power leveling (Okay, I stared in the d**ned mirror.) I examined every tiny little crevice and pore, starting with my hairline, down past those patronizing “smile lines” to the base of my neck. No double chin yet, I thought.
The next few weeks were pure hell. Each day began with a grueling training program -- a 6:30 a.m. run in a futile attempt to bounce off that unsightly baggage that had somehow accumulated on my thighs overnight. I went shopping for the perfect dress -- you know, the one that would make me look 20 years younger. I found out that they stopped selling them around 1975. Three dresses later, I came to my senses.wow power leveling There was only one logical explanation: I was having a mid-life crisis.
I realized that the funny, crunching noise I heard each night as I climbed the stairs was really my knees. I had seriously considered adding potty training to my resume as one of my greatest accomplishments. Bran flakes had become a part of my daily routine -- and not because they were my favorite cereal.wow gold I held Tupperware parties just so I could count how many friends I had.
Life just hadn’t turned out the way I’d planned. Sure, I was happy. I had a wonderful husband and two great kids in the center of my life. But somehow, working part-time as a secretary and mom hardly fit my definition of someone my classmates had voted as wow gold“most likely to succeed.” Had I really wasted 20 years?
Just about the time I was ready to throw in the towel and my invitation, my seven-year old tapped me on the shoulder. “I love you, Mom. Give me a kiss.”
You know, wow gold I’m actually looking forward to the next 20 years.
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